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Thursday, November 26th, 2009
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Last weekend I had a take home exam and homework in every subject. On top of Ben saying he would come over, then not...all fucking weekend. I was also up...all fucking weekend doing the exam. No exaggeration. Up late Friday, worked Saturday morning, then back up to school til my bro's choir concert at 8, then back home to work on it some more, then I woke up at 6 to beat the classmates being in the lab, barely got anything done in 5 hrs, then went back to work, then came home and freaked out until I turned in a program that didnt work. yay...
then i stayed home from school on Monday to clean the roommate's chinchilla cage cuz ben was threatening to break up with me because jessica isnt taking care of it. So i spent an hr and a half cleaning it, and started my other subjects' homework.ben also freaked out on me because like a dumbass he leaves his shoes by the door where people trip. so darla ate them.
then last night he came over and its the first time in a while that i wasnt mad and arguing with him, i just wanted his male attention. yea, i didnt get no damn male attention then darla ate his new shoes this morning. i got another guilt trip because apparently i dont know how to train my dog.
this is so much fun. i have a 12 pg term paper due on wednesday, but a presentation on it monday. havent started. i have to practice for my chinese skit on thursday, and i have a big huge project that involves programming a microprocessor to play the game pacman that due on the 8th that i also havent started because my group is a whole bunch of good-for-nothings.
needless to say, im gonna be in the corner all day today with my laptop on the edge of tears freaking out, doing 3 projects at once. the fucking massage place wants me to design 4 different point of sale materials to display around the studio, but gave me no damn guidelines and wants them by friday. thanks or understanding that i go to school. yay
thank god i havent been at petsmart in 2 weeks or i would have killed myself by now
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Sunday, November 15th, 2009
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Sr. Hairy Melon doesn't love me anymore and I don't know what I did.
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Thursday, November 12th, 2009
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1. What is your new favorite iphone app?
I've grown rather fond of the Fertility Menstrual Calendar that tells me when I'm ovulating but doesn't ask me if I'm on the pill. muahaha
2. If you won the lottery but you had to give it all away who would you give it to? Why?
Why would I be placed in this situation? I need money! I suppose the Michigan Humane Society, or some other shelter of some sort. Animals need help, too. People are always all "we help animals and poor people in other countries, but what do we do for the poor people here?" ya know what I say? wtf am I paying Social Security for if I'm not helping the poor? I also donate old clothes and blood. /rant
3. Are you coming to my birthday party?! (This is more of a demand than a question)
idfk haha. I'm in the process of quitting petsmart so I'm trying to squeeze as much out of them as possible. Plus I can't leave my pets alone for too long, plus you're 8 billion miles away from me now.
4. What is your favorite book of all time?
Demon in My View by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes - this was really hard to decide you bitch. If you want reading material, go for this new series that started earlier this year. The first book gripped me from cover to cover, but I haven't had the budget to order the second one yet. Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
5. Do you know the latest on Nick? I miss that kid and his bath tub antics.
haha, when I first read that I was like "who the fuck is Nick???" How the hell could I forget my first uncircumcised dick? I have no idea what's up with him. I barely talk to Ali anymore. I'm sure she's also trying hard not to stay in contact with his mother.
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Thursday, October 29th, 2009
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i need to go to bed. tomorrow i work 6-4 and saturday i work 6-4.
i get 1 hour lunch breaks those two days. wtf am i gonna do for an hr? im usually done eating in 15 mins. plus saturday i have to weigh in. so i take my lunch break around 10:20, run over to weight watchers, weigh in, sit in the meeting, probly walk over to panera and get some food then go back to hell and have 5 hrs after lunch? guh!
i hate these predicaments. ill be so happy when i can fucking quit that hellhole. i have 3 jobs right now and none are stable enough for me to consider cold turkey quitting.
midterms:
chinese, 50/50, she wants me to do the minor because im one of the best students in the class(4.0 baby!)
programming languages, 88%. pretty damn good for having a 54% average on the homework. too bad homework is worth 30% of the grade and tests are 20%. yea, i dont think it makes sense either
computer hardware design, just took it today. i walked out crying.
design and analysis of algorithms, take home midterm given last week due tomorrow at midnight. been working on it all day and not too confident. but then again i never am. she usually gives really embellished grades if you explain your though processes long long long
im behind on so much homework its killing me. i had a lab due monday that i still havent turned in yet. who am i????
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Wednesday, October 14th, 2009
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i havent had a real update in a while.
i had a free massage on friday, which was amazing but i was stressed out again about 20 mins afterwards.
swirl was not sick, she just peed all over my shit for fun.
im spending less and less money at petsmart! yay! tell all your friends to stop shopping there too!
im now a TA at school so i can cut down on petsmart hrs. tomorrow im gonna go in and sob to them about how i have no time to work more than 2 days a week and then somehow make them promise me 16 hrs in those 2 days.
my to-do list is long. very long. i want time for other things but its not going to happen
im going to get new glasses soon cuz my current ones are choking my nose to death.
beardies are probly still sick, so that no good.
jessica got a job at panera per my uncle. she started sunday night and she already loves it. shes a late night baker assistant so she works 10-5ish which is good for her cuz shes up all night anyway.
i think thats about it. everything else is pretty boring.
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Saturday, October 3rd, 2009
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1. I love my boyfriend.
2. I love my puppy.
They both drive me CRAZY constantly but I must keep telling myself that I love them.
I love them I love them I love them.
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Sunday, September 20th, 2009
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alrighty, clarification
jessica came home in tears. friday night a kid she used to hang out with overdosed on drugs at 21, then yesterday her 12 year old basset hound died right before a barbecue her parents were going to have. she arrived right as they finished burying her and her mom then had to run around and set the thing up. so shes been having a tough time and thats why she wasnt texting me back or anything.
so theres no war going on there, but a whole bunch of shit between the two of us.
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wow so...my crap is falling apart.
jessica hasnt spoken to me since friday night. i bitched her out in text message because she just took advantage of how nice ive been towards her with everything in my house. "can i have a spritz of perfume? can i use your hair straightener? can i use your deodorant?" yes to all these questions. at least i know youre using it and its gonna be in a different place than where i put it.
but when i go to take a shower and the floor is soaking wet because you decided to shave your legs in the sink, her hair straightener is plugged in and sitting in a puddle of said water, my hair straightener is being choked so tightly by its own cord im surprised it still works, and my hair towel is completely missing thats just shit i cant stand.
so i send her a funnily honest text that if she takes my hair towel again im gonna punch her in the ovary. yea, she hasnt spoken to me. mature right? im so glad shes 2 years older than me.
then my aunt died friday night. she was like 45 and alone. i didnt like her very much, she was extremely awkward with no social skills, but she had an incredibly hard life. she was born prematurely so she was in a wheelchair her whole life and she suffered from chronic depression. she overcame it for a little bit - enough to graduate college with an amazing degree - then she just let it take over before she ever got a job. since ive been alive shes just been sitting in assisted living like a veal. its just tragic. i dont like that that happened to one of my family members. and of course, the selfish thought, im scared it will happen to me.
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Friday, September 18th, 2009
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ugh. so jessica found a guy she likes so shes spending nights hanging out over there. i wouldnt care about this if she didnt promise to be home more when we got the dog. she sleeps in so its not like darla can blow off steam until i get home around 8 and then what happens? i wanna go to bed at 10 but thts when darla is most hyper.
buttercup and butterball are sick just like they were last year. ive already spent $200 on them and we still have many more fecals to pay for...
then i bought a $100 board for hannas class
$60 book for programming class
battery and power cord ($60) so my laptop will turn on again...
not to mention im paying to feed jessica, the dog, and every other mouth in the house.
i also have to figure out if the birds, geckos, or guinea pigs have whatever the dragons have. i figure they got sick from the lettuce my mom grew outside this summer, or from crickets from petsmart. the vet doesnt know which would be more likely to carry coccidia.
the only silver lining on anything right now is that petsmart is only scheduling me 4 days a week as requested, so im ending up with fridays and sundays off which feels nice. this has only been the trend for 2 weeks, but i hope it holds up. granted, im only making like $180/wk instead of $250, but ive found other places to shop besides petsmart that are gonna save me much much money in that department. plus my mom said shed reimburse me for the textbook i bought.
im just pissed at jessica all the time cuz she was a good roommate for the first month and a half and now shes just not. i feel bad for the poor dog, but at least my mom can stop by every once in a while. i asked her to let her out on wed and she went over and played with her in the backyard for like 45 mins trying to tire her out. i was so thankful for that.
nothing has been easy.
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Monday, September 14th, 2009
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so um...yea im kinda convinced petsmart wants to fire me.
i got written up on friday for "inappropriate tone." basically the new manager tried to boss me around and i talked back so she was asserting her dominance or some other bullshit. look, its not hard to gain my respect. do your fucking job instead of making others do it, and ask questions if you dont know.
but no. i get stuck with managers who ask me to do EVERYTHING and dont want to learn. fuck, im getting so sick of it. theyre gonna miss me when im gone.
ive been sending our resumes like crazy. i already might have an interview, just have to schedule it. i cant wait to bale on them. its gonna be so awesome.
never shop at petsmart!!! ever!!!!
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Thursday, September 10th, 2009
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oh god i can feel it. im already starting to stress out. i woke up this morning with huge knots in my shoulder. and the puppy is not helping >:-|
fist official day of school. i have my chinese class, which will probly be the roughest yet most rewarding class. then computer hardware design with my fav comp sci prof, the infamous dr hanna. sadly, only one other student signed up for this class with me. weird.
its gonna be hard. 3 comp sci classes when i havent taken that kind of load in like 2 years, on top of work who probly wont listen to my request for 4 days instead of 5 cuz we keep losing people in the dept, and the fact that i didnt get that other job and ben is going crazy and taking me with him and jessica cant wake up early so most days she doesnt even see the dog
that other job offered me website freelance work. whoop dee doo. i took it just to have something else on my plate. sounds like i need one more stress, right?
fuck. i work tonight, tomorrow night, and sat 7-4 then sunday i get to see phantom of the opera, then on monday school really starts.
emo moment: i kinda hate my life right now
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Saturday, September 5th, 2009
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breakdown of some important things:
tuesday: jessica gets fired from petsmart for exposing her bare ass on the sales floor on sunday (which she did not do)
wednesday: i request transfer back to west bloomfield. mark (district manager) tells jaskot (jessicas brother) the story of her getting fired (confidentiality breach). heres what mark said: hillary and someone from northville witnessed jessica pulling down her pants and mooning two cashiers at the front of the store. hillary turned her in. then everyone reads my transfer request (every is jaskot, mark, and mike the store manager) and mark replies that theres no room for me at west bloomfield and mike says if i transfer he will find a way to fire me.
thursday: jaskot gets fired from petsmart for "falsifying documents." basically mike didnt do a report he said he was going to do and jaskot, in an effort to cover mikes ass, quickly fills out the paperwork.
jessica has a lawyer to work with, and when she meets her on monday jaskot will go with her as a character testimonial and to see if he has a case as well.
today i had an interview at elements massage. pay is low, hours are low, but its not petsmart and i get hella free massages.
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Monday, August 31st, 2009
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oooo so all my stitches are still here...ugh.
but at least i weaned off the percocet and on to ibuprofen. im eating real foods now - just ate doritos! yum!
the puppy is awesome. she took naps with me saturday and sunday. my mom met her saturday and my sister and dad met her sunday. then last night jessica took her to like 3 different places to meet people. apparently shes awesome at riding in cars - just sleeps. but the last stop had a dog in the residence and jessica got to see her dog aggression first hand.
today we were letting her loose in the backyard. the gate has a big enough gap for her to squeeze through so we tried to barricade it but she squeezed thru twice. the first time she came right to me, but the second time she ran to the neighbor, who was cute and nice.
we got a big bag of free toys from some random lady on craigslist. i posted a wanted for old toys, gates, etc. and she was the only response but a really good one. darla jean is really spoiled. weve been trying to make her chill for the past few days but shes a damn pitbull mix puppy! no easy feat.
shes really smart tho. she already knows sit, paw, and down.
im done spewing gross love about my new dog....
for now
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Friday, August 28th, 2009
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owie. waking up with painkillers worn off is not nice.
so i didnt eat for like 16 hrs before my appt cuz i forgot how long they told me. so that kept me pretty distracted all morning. but this doctor put me and my mom at such ease. young, but talked like he knew what he was doing, and gave me every reassurance. he told me they wouldnt be hard to extract, but hed put me right to sleep and id just wake up in about an hour, give or take.
apparently i was back up in 45 mins. really fast. the recovery room they brought me to had me propped up staring at a photo of a green leaf and i started thinking about color theory of all things!!! i was like, that should be blue, not green. and then i started planning out what artwork i could make and sell to them so their patients would be more at ease. right before my mom came in i swiveled my head to look at the photo behind me and got myself all discombobulated and she came in and i tried to tell her the picture should be blue and she couldnt understand me cuz i had 80000lbs of gauze shoved in the back of my throat, which kept coming lose and i kept trying to put them back and all the nurses kept yelling at me to stop touching them until they got the hint that i needed new ones. so my mom walks in and i try to tell her about color theory and she doesnt understand so i start crying!!! like a weirdo. then the nurse came in, saw me crying, and said "yea, youre not ready to get up yet..." haha and i was trying to tell any nurse that came in about my pitch and they couldnt care less about the doped up artist.
eventually it only took me like 15 mins to wake up enough and leave and it was only like 10-15 mins from home so my mommy took me to her house. i was bleeding for like 3 hours, but i had to start taking pain meds at that time and start eating and drinking for the meds. it was frustrating; have you ever swallowed a percocet with gauze down your throat? i actually took them out for that part and my mom just told me to leave them out.
she bought me apple juice, pudding, yogurt, and lots of soup to eat. toris birthday is today but shes gonna be in holland, mi with the swim team today and all weekend so we celebrated it last night with me all doped up on the couch. i tried to gum one tortellini down and it was weird, but i was determined to get a piece of garlic bread down.
im feeling woozy, ill finish up later
ok, im better haha. half hour later after eating some pudding and wishing i could rip out the stitches that feel funny.
so i just sat on the couch for like 8-9 hrs at my moms watching season one of the big bang theory. funniest fucking show ever, makes me so happy i found a geeky scientisty boyfriend. i only slept for like an hour and a half. i only ate one pudding, half a yogurt til it made me feel like puking - good pudding tho. greek pudding? its like naturally fat free and full of probiotics.
then i ate that tortellini, garlic bread, and half a can of progresso soup that was high fiber and extremely yummy. tuscan chicken or something. yum yum yum but i ate all that at the same time so my jaw was just so sore. i wasnt full, just sore.
then around 9 i finished the 3rd dvd of the first season so i said that was a good stopping point haha. my mommy packed up pudding and apple juice and my meds and drove me home and told me to call her when i woke up. ill probly text her and let her know im awake but fully intend on going back to sleep. ill probly watch the hangover and then not feel like sleeping but whatevs. not much to do today
i gotta get foods for my dagrons from work and then drive over to dearborn and pay my adoption fee. i gotta remember to steal one of my parents leashes so that jessica and i can wake up early, go pick ehr up with a borrowed leash, and take her directly to petsmart to try on and buy a collar, leash, halti and harness. then various toys and fun stuff. between our parents we probably have the right size crate for her, so thats a $60 expense or so we can avoid. and i can give her my homemade blankets to sleep on and we also have food bowls and whatnot. im so excited to spoil her. both jessica and i havent used our free training class at petsmart, so that basically all we need. a beginner and an intermediate class. if shes still rough around the edges we split the $109 class price and put her in expert and were good. shes such a sweetheart. it sucks she has to get cut open tomorrow and then possibly come home saturday - thats gonna be tons of stress. but shes gonna be so loved and spoiled. shes not good with dogs, but it sounded correctable. as soon as she chills out we can be taking her to relatives' houses to hang out with their dogs and she can get plenty of exercise.
im blabbling and getting slightly dizzy now.
text me! i suppose...haha
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Thursday, August 27th, 2009
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jessica and i went looking for dogs on monday and applied to this baby.
they called us today and said they approved us!!!
she has an appt to get spayed tomorrow and hopefully can come home saturday!!!
im so excited! shes so cute!
basically were naming her jean sims. after gene simmons. in case you didnt notice her tongue is LONG!
i got my wisdom teeth out this morning. i can talk. right after i woke up i was really emotional. the feeling in my bottom lip is just coming back now. ill probly update tomorrow. it went really smoothly, no badness happening. they put me on pain meds that arent messing me up and ive been icing and im not swelling much at all. but they said swelling starts 48-72 hours after. um, fun. haha
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Thursday, August 13th, 2009
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wow...im just wow
i was cranky on monday so i started listening to david bowie. ive been in the mood to videotape myself choreographing stupidly serious dances to random songs. i want one to be harder to breath by maroon 5 and now i want another one to be golden years by david bowie. and maybe to throw in the original thriller dance as a tribute.
this is beside the point. listening to space oddity, ziggy stardust, china girl, golden years, under pressure, etc. made me want to watch a movie in which david bowie is a sex icon to little girls everywhere. yes, i have renewed my obsession with the labyrinth.
ugh. not only did i watch the movie but i started looking for labyrinth smut. didnt find it right away, instead i found something much better. 30 chapter fanfics in which one chapter has a mature scene haha. i think i like these better.
and i also found some high quality movie stills to play with and heres the winner for that one. not many good stills out there. i would just buy a poster but there are none that show his sexiness so i resorted to making my own. there are other better stills but none good enough quality to blow up the way i like my pictures. then i stumbled upon this masterpiece someone else drew. i pumped up the pencil lines and played with the hue to bring what i saw out of it. i think its just amazing.
alright. now that i admitted it im going back to read my fanfic. blargh
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so yesterday i had a cavity filled...first one for my adult teeth. also scheduled my wisdom teeth removal surgery for the end of the month. gives me an excuse to take off a few days from work before school.
today at work i got to play with a blue and gold macaw for a half hour. oh man, i had so much effing fun. that thing bites HARD!!! shit, i knew it would hurt but i also knew it would surprise me. i had talked to the owners not too long ago. theyre huge bird people, and extremely into rescuing. theyve had "buddha" for all of his 5 years, weaned him and everything. he was so cool. ive never held one or anything. he scared the crap out of me but it was such an experience. they were amazed that i went to play with his beak right away. that bird liked me half the time and the other half was looking at me like i was lunch haha. then the guy turns to me and goes "youre going to be a vet right?" and then we started talking about how we might be classmates because he wants to apply at state around 2012.
it reassures me so much when i sit and talk with people for forever, share my knowledge and experiences and they can just tell i was born to do what it is i want. it just feels like theyre rooting for me the whole way. i kinda wanna write down all their names so if i dont get into cvm they can sign a petition or something haha
ah i gotta work at 6 tomorrow. it really sucks when they schedule you to open the day after you close.
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Euthanized a 3 y/o female dog today. In the past three weeks her aggressive streak was showing and she attacked both dogs she lived with and growled at me when i walked in the room. no potential adopters. i cried. i tried as hard as i could not to
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Thursday, July 16th, 2009
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the usual crap is happening.
-work doesnt schedule me how i like, so i bitch, and they change things, but not the way i ask. for example, i complain about short shifts 5 days a week. a 25hr work week over 5 days is not cool. so what do they do? schedule me split shifts on mon and wed so they can schedule me a couple 6 hr ones the rest of the week and it can total 38 hours. cool cool. except for the fact that i go work 6am-11am, go directly to school, come directly home after class and have 20 mins if im lucky before going back to work. monday i did 3-6 after school. that was fine. wednesday i did 3-9 after school. omg
-my body is falling apart. my right knee has been driving me nuts for a week. its a patella thing, i dunno whats wrong, but i see my doctor in two weeks so im gonna wait. in the meantime my mom bought me a really nice brace that works, but wearing it for an 11 hour work day? ha. ha ha...
-bitch bitch bitch, my life sucks
-i hate my one fucking lab partner and shes decided to cling. she used to sit on the other side of the room during lecture. now where is she? my left hand side baby. fuck you, dumbass married 21 year old.
-my cousin is killing her turtle and left for a couple days with my aunt taking care of it and she contacts me all hysterical cuz it hasnt eaten and doesnt move much. lovely. i fucking hate pet owners who dont know what theyre doing.
-ben and i dont spend enough time together because i have a huge schedule and he has a small one and it conflicts as much as it can. so he can either come over at 11 and leave at 8am, or i dont see him. needless to say, this is hard for both of us to deal with.
-i need to lose 8 lbs in two weeks and then eat a cheeseburger so i can give blood. aw fuck, i just realized im gonna have to do bloodwork in like 3 weeks and im still anemic...what to do? what to do? can i lose 8 lbs while eating beef??? hmm. maybe just broccoli
this is why i put off writing this entry. endless string of bitchin.
i like my life, just not most of it. chillin with the vet on tuesdays, spending time with ben, playing with my babies and fixing up my house. those are the only good times
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Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
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why is it that i always have the horrible experiences buying shit online?
i bought the wrong filter and didnt realize til it came. so i contacted this little store in texas that i ordered it from and long story short, i asked a question and they didnt answer for 2 weeks and said that my return wasnt valid anymore. so now im having it out in email with whoever this customer service ass is. argh
in other news. i hate one of my chem partners. shes a fucking dumbass, a year older and married. she talks like a dumbass, and shes trying to take charge when she doesnt know what the shit shes doing. we had to use excel and i told her to put everything in the formula line cuz exel would do the calculations and everything would be more accurate than hand typing. and she looks at me and says "i dont trust that ill type it in the formula line correctly. im just gonna calculate it on my calculator and type it in"
as if that doesnt increase chance of error.
wtf ever, i just redid it all in an hour, made it perfect, and mostly finished the lab. we had like 9 graphs and 3 tables to print, that i volunteered to do so that they wouldnt get fucked up by dumbasses.
can you tell im cranky? my knee hurts and its keeping me up at night. work is dumb. jessica is awesome but shes a HUGE night owl and i dont see her unless i stay up with her, which is wreaking havoc on me. im used to living old. in bed before 10 and all haha
speaking of, im going to bed now
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3.0 in microbiology
3.0 in genetics
needless to say im a little discouraged
in other news ive started chem and i dont like it, but were only covering 6 chapters so i dont think its gonna be that bad. well see.
i have a roommate!! the only girl from work i can stand. shes a druggie whos trying to quit cuz she just got caught with pot and she doesnt want to go thru all this legal shit again. but we literally moved her clothes and her bed yesterday after she got off work at 8. she never sleeps so last night i was up til after 2am. craziness. shes so cool tho, i love her.
shes moving the rest of her shit and then some on thursday. i worked with her brother at my old store and he came and helped us unload last night cuz he lives like 2 miles from me. its freakin awesome. i love him.
im tired
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people who proved im dumb today:
my genetics prof
people who offered me an interview
assholes who dont respond to my emails...
manager at the vet office
my "nice" neighbor
i hate when people cant be civil. im a nice person arent i?
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damn. i think this guy friend ive been trying to have likes me. ah well. im trying not to hurt him, cuz hes nice.
i want to buy a bigger fish tank. so much for saving money right? i figure it will cost me around $500
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i got to follow around a vet today
i got to see extracted teeth, a rectal, x rays, coccidia, kidney disease, femoral pore infections, a swollen gerbil, and lots of pictures. dude, its awesome. this is what i want to do.
i keep forgetting to mention this to anyone. last week my bio lab went on a hike for our taxonomy portion to investigate wildlife and collect some samples. we could earn a tad bit extra credit for finding something awesome, esp a vertebrate. but we couldnt hurt them.
well, my partner and i were wandering around and i was trying to catch dragonflies or something cooler when we heard some squeakins. we thought it was a bird or something so we dig around in the tall ass grass following the squeaks until we accidentally uproot a nest with 4 little squeakers about an inch long. we know theyre rodents but have no idea what they are. we try calling the teach so we could leave them there but he wasnt around. so we gathered them and set off to find the teach, all the while marking the spot where there nest is so we can put them back. i called them hush puppies and named them squeakers 1, 2, 3, and 4.
after showing absolutely everyone in our class we finally find the teach and he was all "oooh you shouldnt have moved them. go put them back." so we trek back down the hill and put them back and get about halfway back up the hill when this dumbass girl comes and is all "do you remember where you put them? the teacher said the mom isnt going to come back because they smell like humans now and theyre gonna die out here so i want to take them to the humane society." so we trek back and she collects them and we all share our discoveries. the teach is only giving out 5 extra credit points max and gives us 3. fucker.
this awesome guy in our class is so redneck and hes walking around speaking in a hick accent "i got me a pull frog, some snicklebacks, and a hornytoad" and its just the funniest thing ever. random, i know.
anywho, she ended up taking them to the humane society. i was hoping theyd be nice and lie to her but they told her they were only like 2 days old and they had to euthanize them. if they were gonna do that id have rather left them in their nest. there was a chance they could have lived then. ah well.
turns out they were chipmunk babies. so cute
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Saturday, June 13th, 2009
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im just not doing ok.
these are the last two weeks of school. im stressing out of my mind; im taking 3 hard classes totaling in 9 credits right now and finals and projects are due now. im working like a dog cuz theyre scheduling me that way and thats whats stressing me out. i know this. 37 hours and 6 days this week working is not ok, thats a fucking lot. yes. i know this
it also doesnt help that im pmsing and the antibiotics im on are messing with my birth control. its screwing up hormones and i cant have sex because of it. this contributes, i know this.
yet im adding things into the mess. im imagining problems with ben. he didnt buy condoms and that kinda screwed stuff up. im lonely and hes not around all the time. hes actually trying in school and therefore doesnt have as much time for me. im really proud of him. as much as he doesnt want to, hes saying no so he can focus. and im getting jealous. thats not ok. its not ok that i can be busy as fuck and he cant make plans too. thats not fair, yet thats what im used to so im getting indignant that things are changing.
ok, things are in perspective now. thats a little better.
my birds are suffering. theyre quite pissed at me.
damien is vying for my attention and its annoying me. poor kitty.
im trying not to spend money but at the same time i need to eat, and need to eat healthy. yea, that means i gotta spend money. ah well.
im doing my best to budget so i can buy a filter, an incubator, and another gecko, as well as that uromastyx when my dad builds its cage.
i just dont want to wait anymore. i want to snap my fingers and have everything i want, lots of money saved, a roommate, and the drive to get school done. right now motivation for anything is waning.
whine whine whine. i love the labyrinth. best kids movie ever. im taking a nap before work
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Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
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im having a housewarming party on the 27th. come please!!!!!
and i wanna hang out in royal oak some night at monterreys or wherever we went to after avenue q where everything is half off after 10...and eat there after 10...and of course drink.
but heres the thing: i have to be awake, and willing to party haha.
so be prepared in the next two months to get a call from me at 10 saying "dude!!! lets go mexican!!!" on any given friday or saturday. yea bitch
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im completely down on myself now. i just keep thinking about how much i suck. not really a good thing but thats whats going on.
i havent kept up with monitoring those gecko eggs cuz ive been busy and i finally admitted to myself today that they died. if they havent died then they will be born pretty deformed...ah well, didnt want more geckos anyway unless they are pretty and unrelated to rufus.
i broke two frames yesterday and scratched up one of the pictures that was in it. i also broke my tall incense holder that just looked cool.
im also fucking things up with ben by pursuing a friendship with a single male that i met on a dating site. yes, i realize why he would be upset and thats why im severely regretting doing it but ive already started talking to this guy and i dont want to hurt him. hes been through a lot. so im between a rock and a hard place on that one.
id rather buy a better filter for my fish then a bigger tank but i told myself i was saving money now. what do i do?
then this morning i was making oatmeal and overfilled the bowl i guess and it overflowed in the microwave and thats my epic fail.
i just really hate myself right now.
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yea, i got attacked by a catfish last night. again. fuckers
it barbed me under the fingernail and two of my fingers went numb for about a half hour.
its completely fine now but i filed a report and they sent me to urgent care and now im on preventative antibiotics.
i bought a gorgeous electric blue jack dempsey yesterday and my other fish killed it already haha. assholes. ah well, the texas fish i bought is gorgeous enough
im exhausted now and frustrated from hanging pictures and shattering a frame in the process.
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i just got really pissed off.
i cant buy anything. i just cant. im not making the money i used to and i got too used to spending all of that money. im the definition of broke after friday. friday im going to spend like $400 on pet shit. i need to fucking save up for my down payment and i cant do that because i keep buying things. no more. i dont need to buy presents for people until christmas. so no presents. should be easy enough.
no new movies for me. thats gonna be the hardest one seeing as i dont have cable. no shopping on victorias secret, bath and body works, amazon.com, or thinkgeek.com nothing fun for a while.
i can go out to eat. that doesnt break the wallet. but seriously, im a dumbass. im about to get a million fish and im gonna need a bigger tank. in the next 3 months im gonna have to spend at least $500. i need to buy my new lizard next month when i save up the $108 shes gonna cost me, but i can only buy her after my dad builds her cage. so i have to not spend that money after i make it.
then im gonna need to buy tanks. at least two more for the fish i already have/payed for. blech. speaking of i need to go to that fish store now and see if they have my guys. im shocked i didnt stop there. too depressed about not getting more frames
michaels is having a huge sale on frames. 40% off. the frames i need are $15 and then they're 40% off and then i had a coupon for 25% off, altho im not sure if thats the whole order or just one. either way, cheap as fuck and i still need more frames. if any of you want to get me a house warming present go grab one before the sale ends at the end of the week. 13x19. i could never have too many of those frames becuz i will always be making new images.
and it sucks that i cant stock up now because im broke and am not allowed to spend money. also, i dont have any nails right now anyway so i cant hang them up
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ive been taking it pretty hard. wednesday i felt like crying every half hour. yesterday i cried quite a few times. i had to go over to bens last night to try and relax. it worked. i actually slept. it probly helped that i had 2 hours of sleep the night before and was falling asleep throughout the day.
anywho, i feel better. im talking to the vet and i might be able to shadow with her every Tuesday. that will be good. i saw a pre-vet advisor on tuesday and he outlined everything im gonna need to do and what i should do. im gonna have to join a club or something to show that im social, have to get large animal experience. i should do the "vet-a-visit" next april at msu. i think its gonna be fun, as long as i can get the opportunities.
i just really miss mutant face. im not sad because i "lost" her battle, im sad because i spent a lot of time with her. i know all about her. shes a total brat and i miss that. im happy shes not longer suffering. now i can focus on all my guys that are still left. i am going to get another lizard that ive been meaning to get, and have even planned that it would take mutant faces cage and everything. im gonna have to wait until my dad builds that cage...but yea
right now im doing some home improvements. put up my towel rack in the bathroom, and am now putting images in the rest of my frames. after thats done ill hang what i can. some need stronger nails, some just need a nail...my mom is a bitch and got picture hanging kits. yea, all my pictures are 10 lbs. bullshit
ah well. thats what im up to. cooking dinner for ben right now. delicious smelling.
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ilikemesum2bars's journal
